…Always feels like an awkward goodbye.
I am no good at them. I’m the person who always needs to hang up the phone first, so I don’t have to hear the “click” on the other end. I don’t want to shut any doors. Its that sinking feeling when you’re reading a book you love, there are only a few pages left, and you want to postpone the inevitable.
I feel this graduate level class sparked in me a great, unyielding desire to continue my education after undergrad. Like some existential crisis, I have been consumed this semester with my future and my purpose in getting this Bachelors degree. I have so many dreams and aspirations and don’t know what path to take. Ten decisions shape your life– you’ll be aware of five, about.
I learned a lot, and felt inspired, to spend time with everyone in e501. On a personal level, I got to see that I am smart enough and capable of keeping up with the debates in Composition. I also started to envision myself as a CO150 teacher and all the complex situations and objections the class entails. There is no way to really prepare for all the individual problems or circumstances that will come up in a class of 20 or so. There will always be a new obstacle to overcome. I think the debates on pedagogy have shown me how many different possibilities there are in teaching a course. I feel I will always personally lean toward an expressivist style. As Macrorie states,
“Teachers don’ t want Engflsh, but they get it. Discouraged, they often try a different tack. Ask the students to write about sports; then maybe they’ll drop Engfish because they care about what they’re saying.” Telling Writing p. 298
To feel the voice and the enthusiasm of a given subject makes the writing better. Although I strongly believe that a professional writer can take any subject and sound enthusiastic and knowledgeable, when dealing with young freshman Composition students, the freedom of subject is important. While sports may not the that subject for every student, the freedom of subject matter, if nothing else, makes the student feel they are doing something that pertains to them. It shows the relevancy of writing in their lives. It even allows for subject choice closer in line with their major, which is always said in CO150. “What does this have to do with my major?” Hoping that the student doesn’t change this major, or even if they do, expressivist discourse allows for this decision with their writing.
I’m not sure where to go for my masters degree, and may stay at CSU. But I have never been so sure that the University is the place for me. I am an eternal student– I want to continue to learn and someday teach. To give a new generation the knowledge that I’ve accumulated throughout my academic career.